Photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash

I didn’t mean for it to happen this way. It was supposed to be my older brother, John-John, that I was trying to destroy. Indiana Jones and his Nazi fighting had to get in the way. I guess he was, ahem, Jonesing for trouble.

Ok! Ok! Stand-up isn’t my strong suit. That’s why I rest on my laurels, being a toddler who happens to also be a murderous supervillain. Sure, I’m only three, but don’t let age deceive you. I will make sure you know when my wrath has come upon y… hang on, it’s snack time. …

My adventures in the meme stock craze.

Photo by Gilly on Unsplash

News about the stock market has been particularly crazy this year. A new trend has emerged where a “meme stock” has excessive trading volume by investors that have targeted it on social media, driving up the price far higher than the fundamentals of the company would have you think it’s worth.

Typical retail investors have been collectively buying up particular stocks that are heavily shorted to try to “stick it to the man” by driving up the stock price and squeezing “the man’s” bet that the stock will go down in price.

There’s really no fundamental reason that the value…

Photo by Ben Wicks on Unsplash

Being a parent is hard. Kids are always changing, growing, personalities emerging — sometimes without even asking permission first! I mean, the nerve!

Well, I, for one, have had just about enough. I can’t just keep buying “new clothes” just because they’re “growing” and can’t “fit into their old clothes anymore.” Not when there’s a new Apple product coming out every other month! Dad needs his toys!

From what I can tell when my search results come back with things like “kids need to stop growing up so fast” or “I can’t believe my baby has gotten so big” it’s…

“You can sit here and write or you can sit here and do nothing, but you can’t sit here and do anything else.” — Neil Gaiman

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In 2019, during an episode of The Tim Ferriss Podcast, author Neil Gaiman gave a quote that I think about a lot. When asked what was the most important rule that he follows when writing, Gaiman said, “You can sit here and write or you can sit here and do nothing, but you can’t sit here and do anything else.”

Do nothing.

That’s something that I think a lot of us have trouble doing in today’s fast-paced world. I have a habit of needing “background noise” a lot of the time when I’m home. Sometimes it’s just financial news muted…

You don’t want to miss this historic event!

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

This is Hal Halverson, Channel 5 News, coming to you from what appears to be a giant tower of children’s blocks. Onlookers say it appeared out of nowhere. It is unclear whether that is true, or if everyone was too busy looking at their phones to notice. Officials say the tower now goes to at least the height of the Empire State Building and continues to climb. Let’s see if we can talk to people on the ground to see if anyone knows what is going on.

Excuse me, sir? Sir? Can you tell us anything you know about this…

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

Blockchain. Bitcoin. Dogecoin. Ethereum. Crypto.

So many new words to learn, so little time! I’ve been trying for weeks to learn more and more about cryptocurrencies, and every time I think I understand it a little bit more, some new bit of information comes in that confuses me more. But more than that, I feel there are some critical long-term questions that just aren’t being asked (or at least not divulged to the general public).

I mean, I get that it has value because we say it has value. That concept can be a tough one for some, but basically…

It’s like the movie “Weird Science,” but for toddlers!

Photo by Susan Holt Simpson on Unsplash

It seemed harmless enough. Parents weren’t supposed to gene edit their kids for things like eye color, height, intelligence, or any of the thousands of other ways people came up with to make their kid more perfect in their image. Everyone was doing it, but I was a rule follower. I always thought it was a little weird to have your baby come out with perfect abs or whatever, so we decided to have the baby “naturally.”

She was the most perfect baby girl you had ever seen in your life, if I do say so myself. Ten fingers, ten…

Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash

“Who’s a good boy?” I hear called out from above. I can recognize Mom’s gentle, soothing voice from a mile away.

I’m a good boy! I’m a good boy!

I can hear the pitter-patter of my paws on the kitchen floor, unable to contain my excitement. She tosses one of my favorite cookies down to the ground in front of me. Dang. I basically swallowed it whole. I always forget in my excitement to savor it. Maybe I can get another one.

Heh. Heh. Heh. Heh.


Heh. Heh. Heh. Heh.

My panted breaths are doing nothing.

Oh no! She’s…

(aka Russian Roulette for Dummies)

Photo by Edu Lauton on Unsplash

This round of Russian roulette had been particularly long.

I mean, how long does it take to run through three hundred and forty or so million people?

Turns out longer — and more painful — than you would think.

There were no bullets (although we would later learn, those were there, too).

The bullets — if you want to call them that — were people.

The bullets — if you want to call them that — were people.

We were not all on the same page. Some wanted to rip pages out because they didn’t like the story. …

Photo by Robert Bye on Unsplash

We all have our moments. Some of us need to write twenty thousand words by Monday or we miss our deadline. Others might need to complete the coding tweaks of their app or they’ll have to start issuing refunds by day’s end. Still, others might find themselves needing to train for a marathon that starts in eight days — and they haven’t even started training yet.

Let me tell you a secret. You can do all this and more by the end of the day if you just follow these five hundred thirty-seven easy steps.

Some plans require one thousand…

Greg Thomas

Father. Writer. Teller of embarrassing dad jokes. Genre hopping before it was cool. MORE FICTION:

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